My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
