I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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