WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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