remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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