i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this beer tastes like vomit already
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to make out with him forever
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
