apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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