I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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