that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
