i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
