Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
