oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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