He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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