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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's shark week go big or go home
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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