If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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