Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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