who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
