At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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