I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
