I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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