every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
