I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
