I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
