its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
