It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
