Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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