I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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