Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
