I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
