Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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