I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
