I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
