Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
