I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
