The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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