Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
