and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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