Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
