I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
