burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
