It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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