We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
