I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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