I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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