i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
