Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
