oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
