She is in my trunk
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
