You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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