I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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