i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
