don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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