What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
