In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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