I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
