i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
