A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize