just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
