Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize