ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got chris browned last night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
