I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
