i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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