I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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