Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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