ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
