Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
