Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
