Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i've created a new STD.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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