I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
