He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize