i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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