you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
