No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
