he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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