I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
