Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
