First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
