We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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