This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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