So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
