I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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