is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
