Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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