i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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