totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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