yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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