What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Who died my cat blue again?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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