Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
