New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
