Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
