from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
