he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
