He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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