just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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