he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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