Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
