but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
